I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
