Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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