i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
