Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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