I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
