The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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