yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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