I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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