Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
