He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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