Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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