my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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