Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
