your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
