So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
