Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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