we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
