Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
