The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
