I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
