He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
