she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
