I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I need water and some morals
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
