And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
