they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
