my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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