Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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