apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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