I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
