I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
