its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
