I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
