Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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