Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
