We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
