$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
