just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
