Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
