Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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