hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize