The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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