It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
