White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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