every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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