so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
