I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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