So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
