According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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