i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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