Me. At least after what I've been through.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
