Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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