I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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