I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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