I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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