Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
