you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
