Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
